. . . it’s Easter

Think About Jesus

Last year when I had my R leg taken off I was in the hospital from 10/04-2/05 in one hospital while a friend of mine from dialysis was in another hospital. She had decided to call it over. She had lived in pain for far too long for her.

I wish I had realized then how important it was going to be to me to be there. I could have made arrangements to go there for a visit from one hospital to another if I’d just thought about it. I’ve heard a few stories ... friends around, talking, laughing, drinking martinis.

I wish I had been there ... how long did it take.? ...how did she feel about it.? ...what things happened.? ... things I need to know.

Norma came into Bay C about May 2000. She, suddenly, was having to deal with being on dialysis. (She never could adjust; she stayed in denial.) Before long we were visiting, commenting here and there, she had worked for our school system and I had taught school (strike one for the home team!!).

She and a friend of hers invited me to go to Roanoke for dinner. We had a good time, drove around a bit and came home. We went to their home for a while and talking, laughing, talking, laughing, and all of a sudden I was hearing names I knew. Names that I had heard from my mother’s stories of her teaching days. My mother had taught Norma and Betty. Betty’s comment was, “Was she as strict on you as she was when she was teaching school.?” “Yep, that would be my guess!”

I still miss not having that time with Norma, not being able to learn from her how she died. That is an important lesson usually learned from our parents. But, my circumstance is different. I dealt with both my parents dying ... but, they died a normal death, nothing extraordinary.

Any questions?

At some time I’m going to start talking about death. Those of us who are chronically ill most likely have been thinking about it for quite some time.

Me? For at lease five years; if not more. It is ok ... at least, by me, it is. I have often wondered what somebody in their elderly years thinks about when it comes to that subject.

An elderly woman, say 92, in decent health, looks good ... what does she think of when it comes to death? ... how long has she had her death on her mind? I met a man that was 92 and didn’t look a day over 60. There are so many various ways that a person “of age” can look, appear, think about themselves, think about others of a certain age. Just because one is a hundred and three doesn’t mean they have spent any time concerning themselves about death. Until somebody on the News comes a long, and asks!!! DUH

Well, I’m 57 and the way my body has gone through h*#l in the last twenty years doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m calling it short. BUT, afterall, my body has been going through h#*l now for the last 24 years, my doc answered my question in ‘95 with I probably had about 10 years to live. I figured other than God, he might very well have a better idea than most anybody else.

On top of which, he is not God and does not claim to be. And, I can just as well keep on living. I doubt I’ll remind him of it at ten years and one day ... or eleven years ... I might remind him of it at 20 years —> it would make a good joke, don’t you think.

I have surprised doctors before ... and I am still here. F*^k ’em if they can’t take a joke!!

The thing that is going to help me by writing about death here is that none of my friends want to hear anything about this subject.

OK. I guess I’m writing about it now!!!

I’ve been cleaning out my house for at lease three years. Maybe longer. (Basically, no big deal.) I’m getting things out of the house that don’t speak to me and keeping things that do. I’ve had a number of art items that in the last few years I’ve given them to people I know and like. One friend is NEVER going to be able to forget about me. Her house is filled!!!!

Otherwise, I’m taking photographs and making notes about where things should go ... to whom!! It is a very good idea and quite straight forward. I am an only child and right now I have no idea who would be able to stand up to the job of cleaning out my house. Two of my longest time friends live in MD and WV and they work. They don’t want to cover the subject either!!

I can’t imagine that any friends would have any trouble with any of the other friends. (I don’t have that many!!) They may not have met each other, but, they have heard each other’s name for years and years.

To me, it is important to handle your business. I had my first Will at 25. And, I’m STILL in the throws of having to make another one ASAP. I have had a Living Will since I was first ill. My doctor has a copy as does the hospital. DO NOT BE AFRAID of the things you must do. They will only turn around and bite you in the ass if, indeed, you are not ready. (Well, in this case, you may not know you are being bit!)

Cover your business ahead of time. Don’t wait until you can’t think appropriately. Get it done while you are of sound body and mind. Give the important members of your family a copy of your Will, Living Will, and your wishes about your organs being used, signatured, wittnessed, and dated in ink. You have no idea what might happen tomorrow.

As for me: One Friday I stayed home from work to get my house ready for a party of epic proportions. By 1am I didn’t feel right and I called my doc. He said he’d meet me in the morning. I went to the ER at 3am and passed out an hour or so later. I recognized the truth of the matter several times over the next three days and they sent me to Duke Hospital ... acute hemorrhagic pancreatitis. It not only sounds rough, it was rough. That was the end of September 81 and I came home to stay the end of January 82.

I do believe in God.
I have never been afraid about anything medical.
There isn’t anything I can do about it.
The best thing I can do is go with the flow.
It is ALL IN THE ATTITUDE.

Any questions?

When on dialysis, all patients need to pay attention to how much fluid they drink daily. Why, you ask? Because, patients on dialysis don’t urinate and therefore fluids cause you to gain weight rapidly and that is hard on your heart. Continually having too much fluid can wear out your heart and cause an “early” death.

Early is in quotes because once you are on dialysis, death can come at most any time. You have a chronic illness ... end stage renal disease ... referred to as ESRD.

Fluid is everything that is liquid at room temperature ... ice cream, jello ... I can’t think of anything else at the moment. But, they’re out there!

Any questions?

OK ... drugs! Not the recreational kind of ester year but the kind that slowly, but, surely, wear your body down. Don’t get me wrong ... all these drugs do help keep you handling your illness. But, eventually you realize that some counter each other and cause other problems (this is not new to the doctor ... he just waits until it happens to explain it to you ... no need to tell you before hand!!). GEEZE, if he told you about all this at the beginning, you’d choose NOW, WHY WAIT!!?

Let’s see ... my drugs: Nephrovite, a vitamin designed for dialysis patients and I think all patients take this one. Of course, I am sure all patients don’t take all the same drugs and I only know which drugs I take; Lipator, for cholesterol; Lexapro, for keeping your mind/emotions in better control (it is hard being a patient, there are MANY things you have to deal with nonetheless that now your life is nothing like you thought it would be; Zinc Sulfate, for I don’t know why; Bayer, same reason every adult needs to take one ... helps your heart function better for longer; Neurotin, it helps with the pain; Percocet, also helps with the pain (!); Cumadin, a blood thinner; Lantis, insulin; Keyoxolate, for keeping the Potassium lower; Renagel, helps keep the phosphorus lower. There are several others that are used when particular things happen.

Then, the transplant drugs were heavy and hard on the body/also expensive!!

Any questions?

And then there’s FOOD/DIET ... and you wouldn’t believe. Frankly, I’ve been doing this for so long that I doubt I can actually tell you much information. ??? I am on dialysis and that’s one diet, heart problems and that’s another diet, diabetic and that’s another diet. So, very early on I decided that I’d eat what I really wanted to eat just in MODERATION. As that thought helped me through the years, now, I am fairly good at eating the right things. Except for sweets. And, I love my pastries. tisktisk

Any questions?

All-n-all, all these things ad up and if you don’t pay attention and do things right, you very well pay for it. All these things keep you in better shape for longer.

AND ... IT’S ALL IN THE ATTITUDE

Any questions?

I kept not feeling particularly good during my run this afternoon, so, I got off about an hour early. NO, they do not like that. I have to sign a paper indicating that I know the things that could happen. But, they have known me for seventeen years and are used to me. So, we kinda work with each other.

I got in bed for two-three hours when I got home. Got on the computer for 30-45 minutes and went back to bed. Still don’t feel good. I‘m trying to get my blogs caught up and then!!!

As always, I need to watch the amount of fluids. I’ll add more about fluids tomorrow. It is one of the major things to watch out for and I’m realizing that I haven’t put anything in here about fluids and/or drugs.

see ya later

Any questions?